Ballet

The main memory I have from ballet class (not when I was little– it was a beginner’s adult ballet class!), was how it allowed me to express emotions in a new way. There was such a difference in the freedom I had to respond to music and to communicate nonverbally.

Or there was the hilarious moment when our stunningly elegant ballerina teacher encouraged me with the words, “within Katie’s abilities, she works wonders!”, in a tone of voice that might be used for someone with a severe physical or mental disability. (I’m a wee bit inflexible…)

Also I remember how hard it was for me to remember the steps and see in the video how I am obviously trying to remember what move comes next, after 9 months of practicing the same choreography. Umm… I work wonders?

But what struck me most when I watched the video of our performance at the end of the year, for ourselves, before the mirrors, was– I look so hungry. Not skinny. I wasn’t skinny because I didn’t have money to be skinny. I ate beans and white flour and eggs and bread nonstop because those were the cheapest and most filling items I could find. Even after a year of ballet and walking everywhere to save money, though I lived kilometers from the city centre (because the rent was cheaper), my legs look chunky. The skin on my face was constantly peeling and I couldn’t figure out why; it stopped the moment I had job with a salary and ate fruit every day. I know how blessed I am. What is reality for so many people was seemingly just a passing phase in my life. But I learned so much.

Maybe I’ll be desperate again in the future, but it won’t be the same the next time around. Through losing, I learned what is most important to me. In our desperation, we daren’t sell out our vision. Desperation passes away; the One who loves all the lost and desperate ones stays the same. That’s the dance that’s deeper than words, with the One who works wonders.